Apocalypse Cakes

‘About Apocalypse Cakes’:

A variety of cataclysmic punishments from God continue to rain down upon us. Obviously, this is the time to eat several entire cakes. Use this blog to help you celebrate your time on this earth, for when you look up from your cake-smeared cakehole, the sky will fade ablack, the lakes will blaze aflame and the locusts will buzz aswarming. Eat now, little heathens; there are no cakes in the apocalypse.

Word has it that this gastronomic and God-fearing opus is the brainchild of a RISD alumnus. Pride!

The most recent recipe as of today? Leviticus’ “I Told You So” Aporkalypse Pie.

God warned you not to eat swine flesh, and look where all those bacon tacos have gotten you. In an age of fatty foods, when people feed chickens chicken and then fry the chicken in hair spray, we willfully court sin and clogged arteries. We’ve finally gotten our hands on Leviticus’s mom’s “I Told You So” AporkaIypse Bacon and Apple Pie recipe just in time to tempt you during another animal pandemic. And while Matthew implores us not to throw our pearls before swine, here at Apocalypse Cakes we prefer to fry our swine and eat our pearls, too, which is why we’ve added dollops of whipped heavy cream to an already deathly dish.

I find it literally impossible to choose any personal favorites among this blog’s holy host of dazzling recipes. Endless love.